A Brief Look Into Valentines Day, It’s Weird Origins & Alternatives
As an anthropology grad and ethnogastronomy enthusiast, my biggest conviction is that America has a distinct food culture as a whole. Though this food culture is tied up with capitalism, commodity trading, and the historical conglomeration of pagan traditions into consumer holidays, it does indeed exist.
This brings us to Valentine’s Day. Oh, the holiday of love, romance, and celebrating monogamous coupling. In a way, Valentine’s day has become a sort of gateway to the marriage-industrial complex. In 2022 6 million couples got engaged on Valentine’s day and according to this Chillisauce survey, Valentine’s Day was voted as the best day to propose.
The commodification of love in the US (and through globalization, the rest of the world) has led to the creation of entirely new industries. These include products that promote the love language of giving gifts such as the greeting cards, candy conversation hearts, seasonless bouquets of flowers, and heart-shaped boxes of origin-less chocolates. We’ll get into some of the issues that this brand new industry has created but what exactly IS Valentine’s Day?
So where does Valentine’s Day actually come from?
“The Catholic Church recognizes at least three different saints named Valentine or Valentinus, all of whom were martyred. One legend contends that Valentine was a priest who served during the third century in Rome. When Emperor Claudius II decided that single men made better soldiers than those with wives and families, he outlawed marriage for young men. Valentine, realizing the injustice of the decree, defied Claudius and continued to perform marriages for young lovers in secret. When Valentine’s actions were discovered, Claudius ordered that he be put to death. Still others insist that it was Saint Valentine of Terni, a bishop, who was the true namesake of the holiday. He, too, was beheaded by Claudius II outside Rome.
Other stories suggest that Valentine may have been killed for attempting to help Christians escape harsh Roman prisons, where they were often beaten and tortured. According to one legend, an imprisoned Valentine actually sent the first “valentine” greeting himself after he fell in love with a young girl—possibly his jailor’s daughter—who visited him during his confinement. Before his death, it is alleged that he wrote her a letter signed “From your Valentine,” an expression that is still in use today. ” from History.com
Essentially, this holiday came from a story wrapped up in desperation for love, the rush towards marriage, and an outdated patriarchy. Historically, we have seen a hugely objectified use of the female body as a way to sell chocolate and other “romantic” gifts. It also is a holiday that has been used to espouse white-heterosexual monogamy as the most “ideal” form of romance and as a way to spice up couples’ sex lives when the “lack of sex” or intimacy for that matter might not actually be the core issue. It definitely has its issues!
So with a holiday so shrouded in mystery, religion, consumerism, and white heteronormativity, why celebrate it? Valentine’s day can of course be simply a celebration of love. Love for oneself, for friends, and even platonic partnerships.
It can be a holiday during which we choose to strengthen our relationships and have important boundary-forming conversations with our partners. It does not have to be about romance, going on dates and consumption. There are plenty of other ways to navigate this holiday and help propagate a healthier and more community-oriented culture.
What are some alternative ways to celebrate Valentines Day?
Go “Speed Friending”
For folks with or without romantic partners building new friendships is e-freaking-sential. It is the friendships that should really be the backbone of our social lives, not our partners. Whiskey Pickle in Troy is organizing a Speed Friending event Tuesday February 7th from 7-9pm. You can also organize something like this at YOUR local bar!
Organize a Movie Night With Friends
This is a really easy one since it requires very minimum prep besides picking a movie that no-one has seen. Make sure to discuss the mutually agreed upon rules of movie watching— is it okay to make comments about the movie? Will there be an intermission? Who’s bringing the chocolate? If you haven’t watched The Menu, its a must.
Book a spa day or create one at home.
Spas can be expensive, but setting up your apartment / house for you and a few friends to do some mutual self care is freaking GLORIOUS. Queue up the Yoga with Adrienne, make a big french press of herbal tea and get comfy with your friends even if its a bit awkward at first.
Consider Polyamory
I just had to throw this one in because I have personally been a big proponent of non-monogamous relationships. Sometimes looking for everything in your partner is what leads to miscommunication and disappointment. Considering an open relationship or at least having that discussion can really help redefine your relationship, what its boundaries are, and what you are comfortable with. A great book to read is The Ethical Slut by Janet Hardy.
And if you want to indulge in the gift-giving, indulgent aspects of this holiday— at least do it ethically! It’s a weird tradition, yet still a tradition that can be honest and wholesome.
